Withdrawal again

Not only am I dealing with the break up now I'm withdrawaling.

That night with the Xanax. I don't have enough to keep me sane. So I thought I'd write.

I can describe the symptoms of Xanax withdrawal. But it blows. And it's mostly in your guts.

Since we are doing the show on Saturday I'm hoping this is a 24 hour thing, like some have been before. I did take one, my last and it helped the symptoms, but didn't stop them.

On a happier note Johnny sent me an email earlier apologizing for the other night. It really changed the day. I don't feel so bad. I was doing well today too. I hadn't cried. I made it to practice. I didn't play the music that would have made me worse. I went to bed at 12:30. But I woke up at 3:30 and realized again I was alone. Even though things are better with us, I don't have him.
Then the withdrawal really started, cuz I had avoided the Xanax the last twos night after drinking shots (I'm not sure why) and the night before because... I can't remember. Anyway I was asking for trouble.
So I don't really get brownie points yet for not crying cuz there were a few tears.

The heart ache is harder to bare than the physical shit I'm now going through though. How people kick junk I'll never understand. This is one of the most uncomfortable feelings I've ever had, and heroin is way harder. It's less intense then the anxiety you feel from cocaine, but it's constant and lasts longer. I'm hoping I can get back to sleep in a couple hours. I have to meet up with a new band around 10pm tonight. Feeling it out. Anyway this is either the third or fourth time I've been through it. As long as I'm not stupid like I was it doesn't happen. I switch meds as soon as the withdrawal begins but usually I have enough meds to slowly taper. Again, being of a different breed, the lack of oxytocin probably isn't helpful.

I'm done writing again. Night guys. Hope you all are doing beautifully.