Ramble - Rearview

I hate country music. But...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nB8egpfxH8M

sorry you'll have to copy and paste. ???

It's weird, but somehow that is fucked up love to me.

Today I suppose things were a little easier. I only had 2 crying fits, though as usual one was when I woke up in the morning.

I reactivated my ok cupid account. I looked around. I'm disgusted. Every time I look at someone I think "they could never even hold a candle to my Johnny." How he could possibly believe the bullshit about cheating is beyond me. I spoke about him at the meeting. How hard it is to trust men in general and finding one who could be monogamous was again, beyond me. But I was THANKFUL.

And then the thought occurs to me he's probably moved on already.

I know for a fact when I woke up every morning and looked at his sleeping beautiful face and thanked whatever entity for allowing him to be in my life, that he never felt that.

I know when I told him how lucky I thought we were to be in love in such a beautiful city he thought I was being rediculous.

I know I feel like running. As far from this city and these memories as possible.

I know now- for certain- you can believe something to be so precious, to hold it, to taste it and be TRULY grateful - And like every other single damn lesson in my life it leaves me.

I FEEL FUCKING ABANDONED AGAIN. EVERYONE NO MATTER WHAT WILL LEAVE YOU.

Maybe that's the lesson I ahould be learning here.

Gaurd up. Good luck finding the real me anytime soon any man ever again. You have your work cut out for you.

Fuck this entry and fuck me.

'I looked in my rearview- and now I don't see you'