If you saw my legs you wouldn't understand either. I certainly don't. It takes 5 pics to cover the bruises. What is it I am doing to myself? Is it subconscious?
My life circles in circles. In circles.
It sucks.
I have to change it yet again.
I'm hoping to sleep. It's 11:22 am now. My stomach hurts. I just had a 2 hour conversation with a roomie. I don't know if she knew I was dealing with the physical shit I wish I hadn't done.
My brain hurts too. So do my legs. Fuck it, I guess everything does now.
The words of the last doctor appointment swirl in my head and I think "Kate, your brain has never been normal, and will never BE normal. You must come to accept this."
Which basically means pills forever, and I have to quit doing stupid fucking shit. Which was fine. I was ready to leave that fucking life forever. But how is it exactly one mends a broken heart?
How does one come to accept that normal is never an option? Never has been. Never will be?
I am hoping the feeling overtaking me now is calm and my stomach will go fuck itself.
I miss me.
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I don't know how you mend a broken heart, but I think maybe only time does it, day by day.
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