Putting it Together

My move got postponed because both my dad and I were having stomach issues. I'm moving this Sunday instead I guess.

I realize the pressure of the early morning move, the liquor, the shit I've been feeling with Johnny was the shit storm needed to bring me back to my worse the other night. I've bandaged my wounds, I'm taking care of myself, and I'm doing better.
I'm trying to forgive me, and console myself. I slipped up. It sucks really bad. But I have to care for me, not rip me to shreds.

Why is love so fucking complicated?

Meanwhile, my band FINALLY scored a show. My Seattle band is gunna play a show, in my fav city, in a dream come true. However, of course, there was protest from my drummer, and I'm fucking frustrated because I love playing metal, I love our ep, I love the boys but with the scheduling, their jobs and family, the band isn't going to be as I imagine. That sucks, because it's sort of like being in a relationship you know will end eventually. You want the best, but you know you aren't compatible.

So I've been putting in word to other bands. Someone called Dave contacted me today about a band called "Raising Days" that has already been signed to an indie label and I dig their music. They sound a little like "For My Pain" but with a chick singer with an accent. The accent is distracting and makes it hard to learn the tunes, but I'm trying. Listening to David lecture me for thirty minutes about the industry irritated me though. He sounded a lot like Jon when he talked, all cocky, and it was a high pressure phone call.
I've spoken to Levi, I know how much work it takes and what you have to put in. I'm willing. I just need my body to work with me.
I did a tarot reading the other night that told me anything I pursue career wise right now is a good idea, and it was a really positive reading. So I'm gunna push hard right now. We will see what happens.

In other news I received an email on ok cupid from a guy and we started a chat. He knows I'm in a relationship to clarify, it wasn't a romantic conversation at all. However, it was a very intellectually stimulating chat! He's and my astrological chart is completely in sych. We're both Taurus', we're both fire rising, and air moon. We have some things in common, but some things are different.
It is noteworthy because of how awesome it was to just talk without pressure and how smooth the conversation went. I hope we'll speak again soon.

Valentine's day knowing I wouldn't see Johnny, decided to take myself rollerblading. I needed the distraction. It was a fantastic workout. Afterwards I bought myself a potato and met Michael at Taster's Wok for karaoke which was also a nice distraction. I was hit on most of the night by a much older man recently separated from his wife. I sang a couple songs, and, got wasted, again. This week I have qualified as being an alcoholic for sure. I'm laying off for awhile. I still feel hungover.

I was incredibly sick today. Pain was off the charts again. Second time this week. Another reason to quit drinking for a little while. I gotta put more Vitamin D in my system still. I don't think 100,000 mg a week is enough...

Ok it's 4am and I've taken my pills but I haven't wound down yet. I did a tarot reading on J and I the other night. I'm gunna go interpret it.