Sick, But Healing

Health update: Oh boy!

Spent all day at the hospital yesterday! Yay! Talked to a NEW physician. Which was part of the problem. Had tests, got questioned. Felt sick.
I can feel the very sick coming on again.
They will call me with results again next week, they think.

We are, at this point hoping that there have been no real complications, though there have likely been some in my kidneys. Also in my nervous system. The kidney thing is likely just an infection that my body is having trouble fighting off. (Don't care, still hurts and I'm now out of pain meds for 6 days.) And the CNS stuff... I'm back to having some intense headaches. Plus the shaking, slash dropping thing thing is awesome.

I do however have Bob in my life, who has been an incredible friend to me. Last night after everything he came over and we just laid on the bed, mostly entwined simply talking about our lives. I asked about his health, he asked about mine. We shared secrets. It was absolutely perfect. It was SO GOOD to be held. To have someone attentive to what I needed, and I of course in turn attended to him. This is not a sexual relationship. But it has been making up for a lot of the kind of interaction I wish I'd had with someone for a while now.
Not only that, but here's the kicker. When it was time for him to go: HE SAID HE DIDN'T WANT TO LEAVE.
I have been waiting to hear that forever it feels. And I know he meant it.
It made me happy.

I have been evaluating why such a simple phrase could mean so much, and I think it comes down to my brain sort of reading it as 'I don't want to abandon you.'
It doesn't mean he won't. He obviously left. But it was reassuring. And I ate it up.
We talked for a few moments on the phone today, but I'm sick with my shit, plus Bob, Jay and I all have some kind of infection we picked up from Sarah's hospital visit.

So while this entry is shorter, I return to the hospital March 14th, and should get results before then. Meanwhile, it's nap time. Music will have to wait. As will the rest of what happened this crazy week.

I wish you the kind of healing you need tonight. It seems I'm finding a bit myself.