Overview

Xanax entry.

Damn I wish I felt this calm and relaxed always. I had a rediculous non-stop crazy weekend. Shows, party, I got pissed at Devon. Got super drunk even for me. Met new people, and to my shame had another ambien episode. Thank christ I was able to switch to Xanax today because this is sooooo much better. Oh how I missed my peach lover.

Spent some time with my friend Rene today who claimed I'm impossible to get one on one. I hadn't exactly realized it until now, but they're right. I guess I'm afraid to do one on one time really. As a love addict I'm constantly looking to feel that feeeling, but I'm fucking afraid of it. I mean, how much further could I fall apart if I let it in? The real, all consuming passionate kind? And worse, what if it was returned? Disaster surely.

Something happened today that I can't go into right now, which is very sad. I just don't want to ruin this calm mood.

Need to start preparing for my acoustic set next Tuesday. And I have a new band audition on Wednesday,

I wish Lexi, my cat was here sleeping next to me.

And as always when I slow down long enough to think my mind wanders to J and I wish we were talking again.

I'm curling up with HBO now. I wish I had juice.

Aaaah well.