2 Shit-tastic days

This day has gone to shit. When I went to bed last night I had asked Johnny to call and talk to me after yesterday, because yesterday had been a crap day too. When I got up I found out there was someone coming to look at *my* room in my current house because I had told Lauren I *thought* I found a place on Friday that would work. I told her I would know for sure by 5pm, and if she could wait that long, (which was 3 hours at that point) I would tell her for sure. Before I even got to the appointment an hour later she had rented my room out, and was kicking me out by the first either way. Which was perfect, because then I found out they had rented the apartment Deb and I wanted out from under us as well. So... The manager took us to another location which is 2 minutes away from the one we wanted. Not as charming, but much larger. So we agreed. Exchanged money and lease agreements. I felt really backed into a corner, and not comfortable with the idea. I was mad at Lauren for putting a strangers needs before mine, a friend. Then I came home and started packing my shit.

My grandmother sent me a little money which was the only bright spot to the day. I didn't feel like driving to the store, so I ate the last thing in my fridge, some broccoli and got back online and did jack shit. Johnny hadn't text or called when I finally decided to call it a night at 1:30. It's not like him, so with the silence I kind of started to think something had gone wrong and he didn't want to talk about it. When it happened before it meant my ex was somewhere he shouldn't have been. I know better than that of Johnny, but it still doesn't sit well. I layed down anyway, figuring J and I would talk the next day. But as I started to drift off my phone buzzed. J was letting me know he was at a party and lost track of time. I thanked him for letting me know and went to sleep. Sort of.

Got up this morning and popped onto facebook to find that I was in a relationship, but not with Johnny anymore. I panicked. I thought "oh my god, something WAS wrong and he just didn't want to talk about it. I'm gunna get broken up with and facebook is telling me before he is." So then during my little panick attack I had a moment of "calm down, you should probably talk to him about it." So I figured I'd text him. Then I was like "fuck that, I gotta know now." So I called him and he told me it wasn't true. We were fine. But by then I'd started crying as a reaction. I told him I loved him and we got off the phone. Cried for a few more minutes and then pulled myself together. Then I seriosuly wished I had Xanax, because nothing was gunna calm me down completely. Instead I began to work through the mess that is the ticket and suspended licence. I figured it was a day shot to shit as it were. So... it is indeed a fucking mess, and one that's going to take some time to resolve. Because the cop screwed me, and said I had no proof of insurance. But I've never driven uninsured. He also got my birthday wrong on the ticket, which I hadn't noticed til today. Then I got ANOTHER parking ticket outside on my street. I'm not fucking leaving this space. I'll need food, but I don't want to go anywhere but Johnny's.

And I'm straight up saying tomorrow has to be a better day. Fuck. Waking up next to J and some karaoke. That's all I want. Point and fact J is all I want. Once I'm around him again, I'll feel better.

I know.